Searching for Home
by Chelle & Nikki

~ CHAPTER 11 ~

The room was quiet. No one really knew what to say. Brianna had pulled away from the advances they'd made to hug her and had grown increasingly uncomfortable for the few minutes they had been there. Tom had decided to leave Brianna and Taylor alone with Sheila and Lynn. He had mumbled something about it being too much for him. Brianna had a cold attitude toward them all for the moment and Taylor could feel the tension rise in the room. Taylor and Brianna had agreed to meet them at Lynn's apartment on the oposite side of the building from Brianna's. "Brianna, I wish you'd just let us tell you about some things. I want you to know that we have looked for you and that we never wanted to give you away. You're mother..." Sheila was interrupted by Brianna lashing out, unable to contain her emotions. "No! I didn't come here for you to tell me what you want me to hear. I am going to ask you some questions and you are going to answer them and then Taylor and I are going to leave." Taylor reached over and laid his hand on Brianna's to assure her. "Look, she is really upset. So let her ask what she wants to ask and then we can get out of here and things will go from there, alright?" Taylor spoke softly as Brianna took a deep breath. Lynn and Sheila nodded. "Did you know about me before I was given away?" Brianna asked. Lynn answered, "Julie told us she was pregnant, yes. She ran away from home and was gone for almost four months. When she came back, she said she had given you to a preacher at a local church but she wouldn't tell us anything else."
"Why didn't she keep me?"
"Oh honey. She knew she couldn't give you a good home. We were dirt poor. We had a shack of a house and no money. Don't you see, if she didn't love you, if she never cared, she would have left you in a trash can or in the hospital. It took all the strength she had to give you to someone. She came back so broken hearted we thought she'd kill herself."
"And you agreed with what she done?"
"We knew it was best for you."
"Then why did you try to find me in the first place?"
"Because we wanted to know you. We wanted to know that you had a decent upbringing and a good home and education."
"And what difference would it have made if I hadn't? You couldn't have undone the damage if I had been abused."
"No, but we could at least have the chance to explain to you that we never wanted to give you away. We'd be able to tell you that we have loved you and thought about you everyday. We'd be able to apologize."
"Were you mistreated, Brianna?" Sheila asked. "No." Brianna said, a little confused as tears filled her eyes. "No, I was treated very well by my parents." Sheila nodded and said "We wanted to meet you for so long but we never wanted to intrude. When I saw you that day, I knew who you were. That's why I asked you about your parents and everything."
"Did you know Anna and Ray?" Taylor asked. Sheila shook her head. "No, not personally. I knew their names." Brianna held tightly to Taylor's hand. "Where's my mother?" she asked as Taylor casually interlaced his fingers with Brianna's. "Brianna, honey." Lynn said as tears filled her eyes. Brianna glanced at Sheila who just looked away and covered her mouth with her tissue as a way to keep from crying. "Where's my mother?!" Brianna asked again, beginning to tremble. "Brianna, she's, she died. Almost nine years ago." Lynn said. Brianna felt a tightness in her chest. She squeezed Taylor's hand and he began to gently rub her back as tears fell down her face. "My mother is dead." Brianna whispered. "Bri, is there anything else you wanted to ask?" Taylor said quietly, seeing that she had really taken all she could for the time being. Brianna shook her head and stood up. "I want to leave now. I want to go back to your place." She said. She turned to Lynn and said "I just need some time to get this straight in my head. I'll call you later if that's alright." Lynn smiled slightly. "Yes, alright. So you won't be at your apartment for a while?"
"Not for today anyway. When I'm ready to talk again, I'll call you. Until then, I'd like for you to keep a distance if you don't mind. And please don't follow me anymore." Brianna said sternly. "No, there'll be none of that. Don't worry. I'm sorry about all of this being on you at once. There's something I want you to see. You can take this." Lynn said pulling a small box off of the shelf and opening it. "If you want, you can wait until later to read it." She pulled out an unopened letter. It was old and was creased from being folded. On the envelope only four words were written: 'For My Daughter, Georgia.' Brianna glanced at Lynn at she took the envelope. "Georgia?" she asked. "Your mother didn't have a name for you. She just always called you Georgia." Brianna smiled. "OK, thank you." She stepped away from them as they walked toward her, letting them know she was not ready for a happy reunion. Taylor gave them a tight lipped smile and led Brianna out the door and to the car. Sheila and Lynn stood waving and despite the anger she'd felt at first, Brianna waved back as Taylor pulled away.

********************

"So are you going to read it?" Taylor asked as they sit on his couch. Brianna had cried silently all the way back to his apartment and when they got there, he held her while she cried a little while longer. She hadn't opened the letter. Just sat there holding it, running her fingers over the envelope. "I don't know." She sighed and leaned back. "I'm almost scared to."
"Well, I think you should. I mean, she might give you some answers."
"Yeah but what if she doesn't? What if she tells me that I was her biggest regret or something?"
"Bri, you heard what they said. She didn't want to give you up. She loved you enough to give you a chance at being happy and well taken care of. She could have ended her pregnancy if she didn't care. She could have killed herself or threw herself down some stairs or anything like that. I think she loved you."
"I guess so."
"You really should read it. It'll be hard and it is a little scary I know but you owe it to her and yourself to at least read what she obviously wanted you to know."
"Yeah, I guess I can at least give her the chance to explain herself."
Brianna sat up and gently opened the envelope. She laid it on the table and slowly unfolded the piece of paper. She took a deep breath and braced herself for whatever it might say. The phone ringing startled them and Taylor leaned over glancing at the caller ID. "It's Isaac. Or Lisa. Should I tell him?" Taylor asked. "Yes, go ahead. I'll have to eventually anyway." Brianna said. "I'll take it in the other room. You read." Taylor said as he walked into his bedroom and shut the door. Brianna heard the phone stop ringing and heard Taylor's muffled voice say "Hello?" She then turned all of her attention to the letter and began to read Julie's words:
My sweet little girl,
I hope that someday you will have the chance to read this. If you will ever forgive me for walking away from you. I hope that at least by now you have come to understand my decision. Your birth will forever remain my greatest and proudest moment. I wanted you so much and have only loved you more with every passing day. I'm not sure where you have been or what your life has been like but I do hope that you were happy for most of it. I want you to know that I have kept your face etched in my memory and we have tried over and over again to find you. As unsuccessful as we have been, I have never given up. I know that you might be angry and probably will never completely forgive me but I do hope that with you reading this you have chosen to let me tell you a few things that you might not already know. You were not exactly what can be called planned. You were not a mistake, just a surprise. I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant and I hid it for a while. It was shameful in my community for an unwed woman to be pregnant. I was only seventeen and your father was in the army. He really wouldn't have anything to do with me after I told him and he was shipped out the next day to Hawaii. I never saw or even heard from him again. My parents were not really happy and I felt like I was a disappointment to everyone. So I ran away and stayed with a friend, Pam Richmond. I stayed with her for three months and then you were born. I took you to her house after we left the hospital and I tried to think of a way for me to keep you. I couldn't though. I wanted to but I knew that you'd be taken away if you survived. I knew that you had to at least be given a chance. Pam took me to her church. I couldn't even talk to the preacher. I just handed you to him and walked out. I went home shortly after that. I thought I'd die of a broken heart. I knew that I had done the best thing for you. I hope that you see it that way too because as much as it hurt, I don't think I can ever apologize for not keeping you. I want you to know that I love you so much and that you are always in my heart. My love is with you always!
Your mother,
Julie.
Brianna folded the letter back up and wiped her eyes. "I forgive you." she whispered.

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